One of the sweetest gifts of participating with the Substack platform has been connecting with so many artists that I love. Someone who stands out is Laura Marling, a songwriter that I have loved for years who now writes on The Tarot of Songwriting. In her most recent article, “Strange Line and Being Willfully Obtuse” - the subtitle, “When you cannot hear the song through the trees” hit me with a voracity to understand myself… specifically how to heal the willfully obtuse way in which I have lived my life! Now, I could not unlock the entire article because my bank account has a balance of 24 cents… Oh the justice of it all!
This brings us to the Blue Monkey, today’s glyph that represents intelligent playfulness. Let’s first look at the Blue Hand Wavespell we are in, which speaks to grasping, closure, knowledge of the power of completion and realization of the finiteness of being. My purpose arises in my journal writing of wishing to bring closure to my living in the dark, or, thank you Laura, living in a way that is willfully obtuse. For over a decade now, I have been cycling around the knowing that the power of love is so great IT has been willing to play with me while I maneuver around my own mental unwellness without landing on a solution. The solution as I understand it is loving myself enough to surrender my mind and wholeheartedly be the best self that I can be.
Most gratefully sitting here writing from inside a camper in my Mom’s driveway that lets out onto Joy Rd, just a hundred feet or so from the intersection of Merriman Rd. The roadsigns are obviously clear - be joyful and go forth as a merry man you fool! There are two delightful kitten siblings, “the twittens”, loving me along. My dearest and closest friend at this time is parked in their camper van nearby. I feel supported beyond what I believe I deserve in just being here. And the honest (and what feels to be ugly) truth I have to face at this moment, is that I have the mind of an addict. Which for me means, I have been stuck on and recreating negativity at most turns. I sat in this same camper two and a half years ago, when facing the depth of my childhood traumas felt too great, planning my unraveling by journeying to the Mojave desert and the land of the 3 Moons Project. And another much more beautiful truth is that although spiraling around to this similar circumstance a couple years later, I have learned some things in this time. Not only about building with earth and creating art at the 3 Moons Project, I have also learned to love myself enough to be thankful. Thankful for my experiences, thankful for this gift of returning to this place strong enough this time to feel the joy in living this through. Thankful for how loving, kind souls have been willing to play with me through my obtuseness. Thankful that I no longer fear their help. Ready to look at what was too daunting to face previously, that I am here with a heart of love and an energetic field of unprocessed garbage just waiting for me to compost it.
So today, on this 5th tone of the Wavespell, the question is how do I empower myself so that I may harmonize with all that is? And for you dear planetary Kin, what in your life is asking for closure so that you may step into a brighter, lighter version of yourself?
*for the sake of actually following through with posting, I am recording these videos improvisationally and posting without viewing them first! The way to move through procrastination, ha!